Carson loves to help. The more he helps and knows what is going on the better it is for him. We are lucky to have amazing nurses who understand this, and let him do as much as he can, himself. He loves to wear his purple gloves and clean his port. He is now willing to show anyone his port if they ask, and tell you that he can clean it!
We were able to avoid going to the OR by going to the hospital on Monday, instead of Tuesday. So we started his Inter maintenance 2 on Monday, it is a 50 day process. After that he will get a 2 week break and then we start Maintenance.
After getting home from taking Carson to PCMC, Blake got sick. He has a fever of 102.3 and was not holding much down. We went to the ER to make sure if wasn't anything serious. It ended up being just a virus and we were able to come home. The doctors said Carson had already been exposed.
We have been more than blessed on this rough journey, with family and friends showing, love, support, and just being there. I am not very good at expressing how I have felt through this... I guess you could call it survival mode, I deal with what is needed, and the rest can wait. This quote hits home for me on so many levels. So many moms to cancer cutties at PCMC I know feel the same way. You look at the poison they are rushing through the veins of your child, and hope and pray that it will cure them!
"The sacred moment when you watch the poison that you hope/pray will heal you(my son) snakes its way through yards of plastic tubing. The quiet in the room at that moment, despite whatever noise may be present. The helplessness of the person you love most staring at you, close in inches, but miles apart in so many other ways. The awkwardness of needing help and feeling immense gratitude when that help presents itself, but it is paired with equally immense annoyance that you can't find the damn jar of peanut butter."
You find comfort in other moms, on the hard days, and reach out to others when you can.
Tonight was not easy, Carson got sick before bed, thank goodness for Zofran. I asked him earlier if he wanted to go to the store with me, he said "no I stay home". every time he gets treatment or doesn't feel well he wants to stay home. It is his safe zone. He also wants me instead of his dad. Though I enjoy my time with him, it also breaks my heart. Under his eyes were dark, it was as if I could see the poison running through his veins.
Tonight was not easy, Carson got sick before bed, thank goodness for Zofran. I asked him earlier if he wanted to go to the store with me, he said "no I stay home". every time he gets treatment or doesn't feel well he wants to stay home. It is his safe zone. He also wants me instead of his dad. Though I enjoy my time with him, it also breaks my heart. Under his eyes were dark, it was as if I could see the poison running through his veins.
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