Remember you're not dying...

 

Remember you're not dying from cancer, you're living with it.

 

Another lesson learned... The doctors told me when Carson got diagnosed, that people would look at our child and say "he doesn't look sick" just because he doesn't looks sick and you don't see him throwing up and crying in pain, doesn't mean he isn't. I try so hard to stay positive, and not show my family and friends the evil dark side of cancer! CANCER sucks, it doesn't mean our lives have to!

Just because he doesn't look sick doesn't mean he isn't, and doesn't mean it isn't hard for him and our family to live through this evil thing we call cancer each day. We will not let cancer, win! We will not let it Carson LIVE! He refuses, and so do we!

 

 

When someone has cancer, the whole family and everyone who loves them does, too.

-Terri Clark 

 

Cancer is our families life now. We didn't not choose this, nor would we wish it upon anyone, but it is our life, the bad, ugly, tears, crying, anger, not so fun, the good, the fun, laughs, hugs, love and all! IT IS ALL our life now! I love the quote above. Carson is not dying from cancer, and has WONDERFUL odds to be cured, but he is living with it each day, and so are the rest of his family. There isn't a second that goes by that cancer does not influence our choices, decisions, and actions. There are things we would love to do, but because of cancer we are not able to, like swim in a river, or go to the lake. Those are things "normal" kids can do, but not Carson. And yes We do break the rules, we do so more often than the doctors would like. As a his mom, I have great friends who's kids are fighting cancer some for the second, third, and even more times. IF that should happen I know that would mean weeks in the hospital for years. So while he is healthy and feeling up to, of course I am going to take him and Blake to do as much as possible and LIVE life the fullest. 

 

 

Cancer is such an evil thing. This isn't the first time Brant or I have faced cancer. Brant lost his dad to cancer almost 13 years ago. I see the pain in his eyes when he misses his dad. I see how it effects him not to have his dad here, to learn from, to ask questions or shoot the BS. I hate that! I lost my grandpa to cancer just over 8 years ago. I still remember those days like they were yesterday. I became closer to my grandpa in 6 months than ever. I think if Dan(Brant's dad) or my Grandpa (Sherril) had to tell us one thing, it would be to "live like we were dying" to soak it all up! thank goodness my grandpa let me be his test dummy so Carson didn't have to be. :)

 

 

Earlier today we seen Carson's ENT doctor. I cried on the way to the appointment, for some reason I knew it wasn't going to be what I wanted to hear. We went to the U of U hospital to see Dr. Meir. I have to say I like Dr. Meir, he is the most friendly doctor, and always remembers us! He is amazing.  Carson was making "the noise" that he never seems to make while we are at the doctor, so Dr. Meir was able to hear it. Of course he didn't like the sound of it. There was also a fellow doctor there that was able to hear it as well. We are going to try an inhaler for a few days, if there is no improvement we are to call the doctor. He would also like to do another scope on Carson in July, when he will be getting chemo in his spine. At that time we are praying, hoping, wishing, even doing rain dances that his airway is improving. Otherwise we will be looking at doing surgery much sooner than we had hoped, like this summer!!! This would mean we would have to stop chemo, I fear stopping chemo it could let cancer come back! I fear not fixing his airway and him not being able to breath. It is like choosing what evil is worse. The surgery isn't something that they do here in Utah, it is something we would have back east for, like to Ohio, or Pennsylvania. I hope we can wait on his air way to be fixed to make sure cancer is gone once and for all. But I have to trust the doctors.   

 

 

 

We started the summer with a bang... a VEGAS BABY bang. 

 

 We went to Circus Circus to ride rides. Carson loved it and was very excited he could ride as many time as he wanted.

He got a fake tattoo, that my mom paid $70 for the guy told her $40 and charged her more! He loved the thing!

Since Grandpa is working in St. George for the summer, it means we have a free vacation house! :) BIG bonus for us. Beaver is a perfect stop, they have a way cool rocking chair, plus Dairy Queen.

We had to have a blood draw, because something was off with Carson. We were not sure what. His blood showed he was fighting a virus, rhino virus or aka a cold.

Carson has been is a lot of pain. Pain that is hard to watch. It breaks my heart. I could not wish cancer upon anyone. It is so hard on the body. We talked with doctors and decided that a hot tub would be a good purchase, the heat and jets may help. With much debate and much shopping around, we found an amazing place Take A Break Billiard and Spa in Springville who worked with us to find the right spa at the right price, for our family. They wanted to make sure it was big enough for our whole family, because the gentleman said we would build memories in there. He was right! We love the hot tub. And so far is seems to be helping, at least a little bit.

Fun from his chemo angel! :)

 I got a tattoo! I love it! LOVE IT! I never thought I would get one, but have wanted one for a year, the girl did an amazing job and I am in love with it.

Carson has had a nasty cough for over a month. We went to our primary care doctor to see what was up. He did a chest X-ray, I thought this was a cool pic of his port.

Carson will be muttin bustin in the Strawberry Day's Rodeo. We went shopping for an outfit! :) too bad this one was well over $100!

 

 

So once again  we are going to LIVE.