Getting Ready for Christmas...

We were "daring" and made it to the Hancock Christmas party. I am glad we did, Carson LOVED Santa and did not let any other kid get 2 seconds in with Santa with out him standing guard. There was only 5 other kids there.

After that we headed to Grandma Gaylene's, she gave the boys their presents and they loved them. They got Mickey mouse, 4 wheelers, and some play guns. :)

 

We headed home early Carson as beat. He was worn out. Plus we had to get up early to get Carson's blood drawn. He did not want to wake up. But was happy when I told him he could ride in the front seat to the hospital. He sat up like a brave little boy and helped the nurse like always.

 

The past week has been more than rough. I have struggled more than ever. I am not sure if the holiday's or if since things have slowed a bit, that I have more time to think about the "what if's" and it has all caught up with me. I have to remind myself that each day is a blessing. To not take it for granted and to be as happy as I can be. I know 3 years will go by quickly. Christmas time is a time to be joyful, and thankful for everything we have, even the small things like smiles and hugs, an someone to lean on in the most difficult times. I was not happy about Carson having Chemo on Christmas eve. I worry he will be sick, or not feel good, and not enjoy the day as much as I hope he will. Cancer sucks, but having a child with Cancer sucks even more. There is nothing I can do to fix it, nor is there anything I could have done to prevent it, it isn't like I could have, should have, would have, done something different. I wish I could go through all of this myself, but I know I wouldn't be as brave as Carson is. There is no way, I would crumble. There is no way I would want to leave the house or even talk to anyone, but he does, he wants to enjoy each minute even if it is laying in bed, watching Mickey with daddy.

This pas week 4 families have gotten some "bad" news. I am thankful we continue to get + news. My heart breaks for the other families and my prayers are for them. That they can find peace in the journey they are on, and us as well. I am reminded when I get down that many families have it worse, and many families are out of options, we aren't; I am so thankful for that. I hope and pray for peace for the families who are.

 

We have been more than blessed with people helping us this year, it has been rough year for our family. I can't say thank you enough to those who have helped us, especially Low Book Sales, Universal Industrial Supply, and many many family and friends. We could not have gotten through it with out each of you. As we prepare to celebrate Christmas I hope you all know how much each of you mean to us, and that we are so grateful to have each of you in our lives. We wish every one a Merry Christmas!!

A little holiday cheer

We had a rough week, last week. Blake was sick, then Carson was sick. Plus my aunt passed away. So it was one busy week. But this week we are living it up! Enjoying the holiday cheer.

The amazing people at Make a Wish Utah and KBER 101 allowed us to go on the Polar Express. They had us all meet at their station, get on BIG buses and ride up to Heber. Who would have thought that Carson's favorite part of the day... Riding the bus.

 

 These 2 guys rock they are amazing!  They look like they are scared to death, but they are holding on to their toys so no one else could get them! They love the trucks and were super happy to get a present! THANK YOU Kber and Make a wish for a wonderful day!

 

 After we got home from the KBER- Polar Express, we got to go to CCCF. Children's Christmas Cancer Fund. These people are beyond amazing as well. They have it organized and down to a science on how things should go. They allow the kids to pick out presents. Blake wasn't feeling well so Carson picked out a camera for himself, and play-doh for his brother. :) They also gave us a turkey. These people are amazing people and I can't say thank you enough to them!

 Does this look like pee? This is one of his chemos he gets but to me it looks like pee!

And what would a hospital visit be with out the NOSE! He loves to give us the nose it is like his way of saying CANCER sucks! :)


Today at the hospital Caron had to get an ECHO and EKG to make sure his heart was fine! It is. :) We also talked to the doctor about his limbs falling asleep and why it is so painful for him. If his arm or leg falls asleep he cries hard for a good 20+ minutes. They think it could be a side effect from the VINC(a chemo) and they are going to watch it. VINC can cause nerve damage so we will watch and see and maybe start him on a medication that can numb his nerves. I hope the next few days will be easy on him. We are staying up on nausea medication, and drinking plenty of fluids. 

The battle...

Carson loves to help. The more he helps and knows what is going on the better it is for him. We are lucky to have amazing nurses who understand this, and let him do as much as he can, himself. He loves to wear his purple gloves and clean his port. He is now willing to show anyone his port if they ask, and tell you that he can clean it!

 We were able to avoid going to the OR by going to the hospital on Monday, instead of Tuesday. So we started his Inter maintenance 2 on Monday, it is a 50 day process. After that he will get a 2 week break and then we start Maintenance.

 

After getting home from taking Carson to PCMC, Blake got sick. He has a fever of 102.3 and was not holding much down. We went to the ER to make sure if wasn't anything serious. It ended up being just a virus and we were able to come home. The doctors said Carson had already been exposed.

We have been more than blessed on this rough journey, with family and friends showing, love, support, and just being there. I am not very good at expressing how I have felt through this... I guess you could call it survival mode, I deal with what is needed, and the rest can wait. This quote hits home for me on so many levels. So many moms to cancer cutties at PCMC I know feel the same way. You look at the poison they are rushing through the veins of your child, and hope and pray that it will cure them!

"The sacred moment when you watch the poison that you hope/pray will heal you(my son) snakes its way through yards of plastic tubing. The quiet in the room at that moment, despite whatever noise may be present. The helplessness of the person you love most staring at you, close in inches, but miles apart in so many other ways. The awkwardness of needing help and feeling immense gratitude when that help presents itself, but it is paired with equally immense annoyance that you can't find the damn jar of peanut butter."

You find comfort in other moms, on the hard days, and reach out to others when you can.

Tonight was not easy, Carson got sick before bed, thank goodness for Zofran.  I asked him earlier if he wanted to go to the store with me, he said "no I stay home". every time he gets treatment or doesn't feel well he wants to stay home. It is his safe zone. He also wants me instead of his dad. Though I enjoy my time with him, it also breaks my heart. Under his eyes were dark, it was as if I could see the poison running through his veins.