I have been told countless times how strong I am, how amazingly I have handled Carson's cancer. I have said it many times over, I am not religious never have been, but I do beleive in God. I believe that he is there making a path for us, and that we are given these awful hard times for reasons. Why children get cancer I by no means understand but maybe someday I will see the full picture. Anyway, back to being strong, yes I am strong, damn straight I am strong, I have to be. There isn't a choice, when you see those eyes looking at you, you don't have a choice but to suck it up buttercup.
There are countless days/moments I loose it. But I some how always find pick myself back up and trust that God has this.
The past 4 weeks Carson's airway has not been "right". I struggled for the first two weeks with a lot of emotions, I couldn't pin point it... then it hit me, his airway is what started this whole cancer journey, I rushed him to the ER because he couldn't breath, he sounded horrible as he has for the past 4 weeks. Doctors have been out of town, and answers have not been given. On-call doctors even suggested we wait for our "regular" doctors to come in, because Carson is in their words "a very complicated case". I do not love hearing that, but appreciate the doctors being honest.
HOPE is hard to keep a hold of. It is so hard at times. But I pray at least daily, if not multiple times. I really pray that God has a better plan than what I have dreamed of!!!!!
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